Strike 2

Little Bear got kicked out of Fancy Religious Child Care Center on Thursday.

No shock there, but Papi Bear took it very hard. He was pretty messed up about it all day.

Special Needs Child Care center will be able to accommodate us the second week of June for their summer program. I have to call back on Monday when the director returns to see where he is on the wait list for the regular program.

I have to admit there were some tears when I explained how much it hurt that Little Bear wouldn’t have friends anymore. Maybe that moved us up. Fingers crossed.

Until then… Little Bear Home School goes into session on Monday at 7AM.

Waiting Game

The waiting game has begun. Little Bear did fine on his first day back to school. He was throwing toys, but he didn’t bite, pinch, or scratch anybody. I picked him up at 11:30 before naptime and he was exhausted. He slept from 12 until his brother woke him up at 3. I was really proud of his progress and held onto the hope that he’d make it through probation.

At the same time, I did still visit Special Needs Child Care Center to see what our options are. I have to admit, I almost cried more than once. Not because Little Bear is special needs, but because he was doing so well at Fancy Child Care Center and I felt like because his ear tubes fell out, they robbed him of a chance at having a normal school experience. Every time I mentioned the school’s response, my voice shook and the director would reassure me that biting is developmentally expected from even neurotypical two year olds and the school was out of line. They actually took their name and information to check if they claim to be ASD-inclusive so that licensing can investigate whether they did, in fact, make accommodations for Little Bear.

Special Needs Child Care Center is what Little Bear needs right now. I know it in my heart. I just need to get Papi Bear on board and that’s hard when he comes from another country and still doesn’t tell people what our son’s diagnosis is. I have no problem saying it… It’s completely obvious when you meet him and not saying the words doesn’t fool anyone. It just makes us look clueless.

This center is opening a new room later this month, but it’s already full. I asked to be put on the wait list. What else can I do? Cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Today was a failure. Three therapists had scheduled for this morning, so I’d cancelled his ENT follow-up since his therapy was so important. Two of them forgot they had put their Monday sessions on Thursday and the other one switched to the afternoon. I went to pick up Little Bear while she was there. She said he bit someone on the playground and he’s been doing better, but not the same as before. She’s wondering if maybe he just associates the school with bad behavior at this point. She pushed me towards home/special needs daycare. A short text conversation with his ABA therapist seemed to go in the same direction.

Now if only one of the special needs schools actually had a spot for him before August, that would be awesome.

To close out a long day, we went to Golden Corral to use my free birthday meal before it expires tomorrow. Little Bear had a meltdown when I gave him stuff he likes but doesn’t usually eat there. At one point I was getting his food and he was back at the table screaming. A stranger said to me, “Wow, that poor baby keeps screaming. I hope he’s okay.” Yeah, that’d be my kid. Thanks, though. As soon as he had a bowl of mac the size of his head, he was good to go.

What a week.

Ear Tubes

Little Bear got his shiny new ear tubes put in yesterday morning. We were up bright and early, before the sun, and before Little Bear knew what hit him. We got to the hospital, went through registration and hung out in the pre-op room for a good hour, watching cartoons, playing on the ipad, and taking trips around the floor in their wagon. He started to get antsy towards the end – mainly because he realized I had a muffin tucked away in my purse, but luckily the CRNA came in with something to calm him down. When he was starting to feel the effects, they pulled out a phone, put on Baby Shark for him, and started to wheel him away. He was halfway down the hall before he realized I wasn’t with him.

The surgery itself was about 30 minutes from when they took him in to when they called me to recovery. Little Bear licked a popsicle, drank a cup of juice, and waited to be cleared. Little Bear was increasingly insistent that he get up and move, but he was still really woozy from the anesthesia. They said we could leave without seeing the doctor and that I could call later on for any information that wasn’t on the papers. This wasn’t our first rodeo, so I wasn’t too concerned.

When we got home, the improvement was immediate. Little Bear was listening. He was babbling. He was saying words. He still was far from where he was before the tubes fell out, but there was definite improvement. I put him down for a nap and when it became clear that he wasn’t going to take one, I went in and he said, “Hiiiii Mama. Hiiiii.” He’s never done that before. Usually he just says bye bye, but socially too late. Seeing him give  a social greeting at the correct moment, made me feel wonderful. He said peepee and caca when he was practicing on the potty. He followed simple directions again. I started to get hopeful.

Then I talked to Papi Bear, who had spent his morning in a meeting with Fancy Religious Child Care Center. He’s on probation for a week, starting on Wednesday. Papi Bear and I had already decided that we’d pull him after next week as it is, but this confirmed our feelings. Apparently Little Bear was biting his teacher and it hadn’t been reported to us previously. They suggested we look at special needs schools.
I think we’ve arrived to the point where that’s where we’re headed.

Papi Bear and I had a long conversation about it last night. He’s afraid to put Little Bear into a school where kids may be behind him. I had to make him realize that Little Bear is behind. Almost a full year at this point. He wanted to make comparisons with his older brother, who has an IEP right now at age 4. I showed him videos of Big Bear when he was 2.5. That’s when it hit him. That’s when he realized our son is severely delayed. At this age, Big Bear wasn’t saying full sentences, but we have one where we went to the zoo, and he pulls my husband over to the camels and says, “Mira! Camel on the ceiling! C C C!” Little Bear occasionally pulls us towards things, but not with the same eagerness and awe that Big Bear did at the same age.

Little Bear has improved since his tubes went in. He has only bitten me when he’s cranky from being hungry or just waking up. He’s still hitting. He actually pounded his brother over the head repeatedly with a small plastic baby ball today because his brother took his soccer ball. Of course this happened in the middle of a store. That I was doing a mystery shop at. Because that’s just how it goes when you’re the mom of two toddlers, one of them special needs.

Little Bear has been speaking more, singing again, daring to say new words, and dancing along with all his favorite videos on PinkFong. He speaks louder and more clearly. When I repeat one of his approximations in the correct form, he tries to correct himself. It’s an improvement. It’s a step towards where he was a month ago.

At the same time, I’m not sure how to handle school. He’s on probation already. They suggested trying maybe just the mornings for now, but he’s in school mainly because I’m teaching a night class on Mondays and Wednesdays until the first week of May. After that, I can pick him up without any problem and have him home before nap time.

I called every special needs school in the area today. None of them have space for him. One has a long shot space for him in the third week of April. They’re opening a class in his age group, but it’s already fully pre-registereScreen Shot 2017-04-04 at 10.43.05 PMd. He’s on the wait list. If you’re the wishing on a star type, please ask the stars to give him an extra push of luck to get in. I’m touring the school tomorrow and preparing for the emotional rollercoaster of acceptance that will come along with it.

Papi Bear and I have to decide tonight whether he’s going back to school tomorrow. He’s done so well the past two days. I see improvement and I’m absolutely terrified that it will go down the drain if we send him back to school. The special needs schools are not a problem, since he’ll almost certainly transition to one in August anyway.

We have a long discussion ahead of us tonight.

Little Bear… I hope whatever we choose is the best option for you. Always know we’re doing our best to give you the best possible outcome in life. We love you.

Transitions

If Little Bear could stay in one area and do his thing and then move to another area of his choosing at a time of his choosing, he would be the happiest little bear in the world. However, the world – and, more specifically, school – does not work that way. Little Bear struggled and dealt with it at Fancy Child Care Center and was starting to show huge improvements in his socialization and participation. He went from a year behind to about 6 months behind. He’s been at Fancy Religious Child Care Center for two weeks now and he has tanked.

We don’t blame the school or the teachers – not in the least. They’ve been nothing but wonderful to us and to him. They keep in close contact through messenger and send us daily pictures and videos. It’s really a phenomenal school that we’re very excited to send our older son to over the summer. However. HOWEVER. Little Bear… not impressed. At all.

He throws toys, snatches them from other children, refuses to participate, and doesn’t want to play with other kids. He’s basically just mean. He’s even been less cooperative with his therapists since leaving Fancy Child Care Center. He’s begun to bite and scratch more often, too. Even at home, he bites me at least once a day in sensory-seeking or attention-seeking ways.

The cause… well… we’re not sure. It could very well be the ear tubes falling out. I can’t imagine how it must feel to be dizzy and hear everything like you’re underwater. And to combine that feeling with a new school where you don’t know anyone and are not familiar with the routine… That’s difficult. I know he’s struggling. I see him struggling. Before I’d always take him every day we paid for, even if I wasn’t working. I knew he’d get the benefit of circle time and playground interaction. Now, I keep him home and we go to the park together instead. Every day I worry about getting a message about him biting another kid or snatching toys or just generally misbehaving.

Papi Bear and I had a long talk about it last night. It came down to this: We put Little Bear into school for socialization. He is not socializing. He actively avoids other children as much as possible. We don’t know if it’s him who is regressing or if it’s the transition that’s tough on him or if it’s the hearing issues that are making him irritable. Our final decision is that we’re giving him two weeks post-op to improve. After two weeks, we’ll meet with the director, the school’s counselor, and one of his therapists and decide if there’s been improvement and, if so, what can be done to help him along. If there isn’t improvement, we will pull him from the school and I will change my work schedule from 830-5 to 1030-7/1130-8 and begin to homeschool him in the mornings and schedule his OT and SLP in the afternoons while I’m working.

We don’t think Little Bear has regressed into a closed-off state. He’s not making as much eye contact, but when you get up in his face and start sticking your tongue out or playing with him, he’s back to normal. When he’s in the dark, he’s actually really playful. Every night this week we’ve had to go into the boys’ bedroom and yell at them to get to bed because they’re both in Little Bear’s bed, playing, tickling, and laughing. We’ve seen his little personality come out. We know he’s a social kid, albeit a bit awkward, but so were (are) both of his parents. We just need to get him in a situation where he’s getting the attention he needs in order to thrive.

And that’s where we are. We’re at a point where Little Bear will take the lead and show us what he needs. If he needs Mama Bear to make a homeschool for him for a few months, so be it. If he shows us that it was completely the tubes and he’s back on track once they’re in place, then we’ll stay in Fancy Religious Child Care Center. Whatever is happening, we’re very glad that his school has been extremely supportive and not accusatory towards us. That goes a long way when your child has special needs.

Fancy Child Care Center

Fancy Child Care Center* kicked Little Bear out for biting.

Fancy Child Care Center put him on a two week probation for biting in December of 2016.

Little Bear did not bite from the day the probation started until the first week of March.

Fancy Child Care Center’s owner thinks my son needs a “special school” and “one-on-one attention.”

Little Bear’s therapists and neurologist thinks he needs a social atmosphere and that he is thriving with other kids.

Fancy Child Care Center told me that the owner’s 23 years of experience was more valid than that of his ABA, OT, PT, SLP, and Neurologist.

Fancy Child Care Center said Little Bear bit a child on Thursday at 10:15. Little Bear had both his ABA therapist and his new SLP there for an evaluation at 10:00.

Fancy Child Care Center has been reported to licensing for not providing me with a report when my child was bitten. They will most likely be cited because they didn’t ask me to sign any of his incident reports since November.

Fancy Child Care Center did not feed my son adequately, which led to his behaviors.

Fancy Child Care Center is classist and didn’t want a non-perfect child ruining its perfect reputation.

Fancy Child Care Center will not define my son.

Fancy Child Care Center will not define me as a mother.

Fancy Child Care Center will make me smarter about who I trust my son with in the future.

Fancy Child Care Center can kiss my ass.

 

*not the real name.

New School!

Little Bear started at his fancy new school that costs a lot more than his not-so-fancy previous school. While we loved the one year old teacher, we always despised the two year old teacher and with a special needs kid and the good three year old teacher gone, the decision was made for us. We were done; we were ready to move on.

Little Bear’s new school is a breath of fresh air. The reports are more detailed, the teachers are more professional, the facilities are incredibly well-maintained. Not to say his old school was badly maintained – it was just an older building and it was showing its age, while this one is a new building and also shows its age. The playground at this school looks like a brand new city playground and impressed Big Bear so much that he labeled it “No Little Bear cole. Big Bear cole.”

His teacher said he doesn’t specifically play with other children, but he plays near them and rarely goes off into a corner on his own to do something. She said it seems that he likes being around others, which is very different from how he was perceived by his previous teachers. As his parents, we were thrilled to hear that he’s no longer avoiding contact with other children. Honestly, that’s all we want for him from this school: socialization. And we may be biased, but we both think we’re already seeing him improve a little bit, even though it’s only been two days. When we pick him up, he’s usually babbling to himself with new words, rather than quietly playing alone and when we’re at home, he’s usually in a much better mood for dinner than he was when he was at the other school. We decided we’re going to wait and ask his PT what she thinks in another week or two, since she’s seen him at both schools.

Little Bear has been talking a lot more lately, which has been easing a lot of the anxiety Papi Bear and I have felt. He calls Papi Bear “beh-beh” consistently and he’s started to say “Mama” every once in a while. He always asks for leche and agua by name, his favorite toys have names, and he tries to label things he doesn’t have a word for yet. For example, when we did his 2 year old photos last week, he called the balloons “bubbles.” Before he would have just grabbed at them and made no attempt to associate a word or sound with the object.

We’re going to see about changing his SLP soon. Although we love her as a person, but we don’t feel he’s getting anything out of the sessions. All we do is sit there and do puzzles and blow bubbles, which does not make for productive therapy. He learned the word bubble on his first day, which impressed us since his speech had completely stalled. He has yet to repeat that early success, though. His PT has taught him more communication skills than his SLP and I have to go to the hospital for the SLP while the PT comes directly to the house. The PT gets down on the floor and offers him things and makes him say “mas” or “more” or “mine” before she’ll give it to him, even if he gets uncomfortable with it. She does a deep massage on his arms and legs to calm him before she puts stress on him and she does it again once he’s done. Even though she doesn’t speak Spanish fluently, she’s made efforts to learn the Spanish children’s song that we use to calm him down. He trusts her, he enjoys her, and she challenges him. I wish we could have a half hour with her every day, rather than once a week, but unfortunately she doesn’t accept our insurance so we only get what’s provided through Early Intervention.

We have a few more evaluations coming up this week. OT is on Thursday and then he has another PT eval on Friday through our insurance. We’re trying to get as many hours as we can this year so he is prepared for regular public school preschool next year. Everyone has told us they see promise in him, so we’re still holding out hope that he can integrate and be in the classroom next to his brother. We’re keeping our fingers, toes, and everything else crossed. We’re hoping this new school is just what he needs to help him learn how to be with other kids.

Little By Little

Little Bear’s vocabulary is beginning to take off. He doesn’t pronounce most words correctly, but he’s gaining the confidence to repeat words, guess what’s coming next, and, most importantly, use them productively.

New words: Airplane, pato, leon

New realization: Little Bear recognizes his numbers up to 9 in Spanish. He can finish almost every page of the Dr. Seuss ABC book.

New productive use: luna (nuna), pelota (tota), pato, gracias (while handing something he’s finished with), MAMA and PAPI!!! FINALLY!!!

Other new milestones: He looked in my eyes when I changed his diaper. He hugged his grandmother for the first time (he’s a hug monster with me and my husband, but nobody else). He wanted to hang out with his brother and two other kids who were at the playground tonight, even though he didn’t directly play with them. He shared his toys with me even when he wasn’t done with them. He looked for Papi Bear’s approval when we were talking over FaceTime.

This week he doesn’t have school. He’ll be with Mama Bear every day. I’m going to work as much as I can with him and hopefully the following week when he starts school, he won’t have as much anxiety as he did at his old one. Fingers crossed.