School Assignment

Yesterday was D-Day. We received Little Bear’s school assignment. Papi Bear and I were nervous, almost as though this were a decision as to whether or not our baby was going to an Ivy League school. First, they reviewed his assessment. We agreed with everything stated. Then we both started thinking, “Oh wait. Did we make him sound too good? Maybe they won’t even consider him for school. Crap. We need to make him sound worse! He needs to be in full day preschool with an IEP!”

FullSizeRender 3Next came his medical history. Then came his speech history. Then came his physical therapy. It was almost an hour of going through who exactly Little Bear was and what exactly his deficits were.

Then came the moment where they explained the different programs.

“One of the programs your son tested for was the ASD program. Your son has a social smile, attempted to engage strangers, enjoys playing simple games, and has developing joint attention. He also has over 200 words. Because of his social and verbal abilities, your child does not fit the school board’s criteria of ASD. Keep in mind this is not a medical diagnosis and is simply the criteria of the school board. It will not affect any services your child is currently receiving.”

I could feel Papi Bear breathe a sigh of relief. This trip has been an even bumpier ride for him than it has been for me. He only sees Little Bear at night and on the weekends, when he’s least structured and most likely to act out. His culture is also not one that takes the bull by the horns when it comes to dealing with special needs. He hasn’t told many people about Little Bear outside of his immediate family. This gave him hope that his son was simply not that social – just like he was as a young child.

Now we were sweating again. Did he place at all? He must have. He must have placed somewhere. We thought he was at a lower level than his brother at his age. He was, wasn’t he?

“Little Bear has been assigned to the Intensive Full Day program at Big Boy Elementary School.”

That’s Big Bear’s school! Our boys were now in the same school! Thank goodness! We were terrified that we’d be facing two buses, two schools, two pickups, two sets of events, etc.

I had originally requested that Little Bear be in the same class with his brother, but his brother is in the larger class size, so it’s not possible. They’ll be right next door to each other, though, and they have recess and playground together. I’m okay with that.

And that’s where we are. Little Bear is going to full day preschool at the end of the month in a small class with other kids that have similar developmental levels. He was not deemed high enough need for a special needs school, which means his ABA, OT, PT, and SLP have brought him a long way from where he was in March.

More than once I’ve considered calling Fancy Preschool and telling them, “Guess what, Fancy Preschool director. The school board says my child does not need a special school and is perfectly capable of being in a regular classroom as long as there’s a smaller class size and he has a little more help.”

Little Bear celebrates his third birthday this weekend. We’re taking him to Disney to celebrate. He doesn’t really care much, but his brother has been talking about it non-stop. Fun times this weekend for the Bear family!

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Transition Meeting

Little Bear is currently in an Early Intervention program through the state. His birthday is in August and he will be turning 3, aging out of his program. He is expected to start a public school pre-K program at that point. Big Bear was in a similar program for neurotypical kids because he wasn’t speaking and has some social issues and he really blossomed when he began school. We’ve been waiting excitedly for Little Bear to reach this point.

Little Bear wants to start school desperately. His brother is in a summer camp program at a local Catholic church, which we call Solcito Camp. He calls church Solcito. I don’t know. We just roll with it. Anyway, every time we go to pick him up, Little Bear runs into the room and starts playing with the toy kitchen. Today we went in and they were having a dance party. Little Bear just started getting down. He was stomping, singing, dancing, and having an awesome time. His hardcore home schooling and therapy has helped him a great deal over the last few months, but he really does miss the atmosphere of school and being around other children.

We got to his transition meeting earlier than expected because I picked up the wrong paper from my mailbox. I thought it was at 8, but it was really at 9. For some reason they had a translator there for me, but I gave her up for another family whose translator was running late and was in desperate need of someone to help out with their twins.

Little Bear was his regular self during the evaluation. He talked a little bit, but not much. He played, used his social smile, but didn’t always follow directions. Getting him to stay on task was a challenge. Getting him to say two word phrases besides “I want” was not happening. However, within five minutes of the evaluation beginning, the psychologist and developmental specialist both said, “Look, we can’t diagnose your child. Also, we should let you know that none of this information will be shared with your medical provider unless you choose to share it, but we personally do not think your son’s final diagnosis will be ASD. We see a lot of children come through here with an ASD diagnosis and if your son is on the spectrum, he is very high functioning. We’re not saying he’s not autistic. We’re not saying he’s where he should be. We’re still filling out the forms for the autism class evaluation, but we do not expect that he will be placed in an ASD classroom. He just doesn’t fit the criteria of the other children who are placed there and he most likely wouldn’t improve as quickly as he would in other rooms.”

Papi Bear wasn’t with me for the evaluation – he had to attend a conference out of town – but when I told him over the phone later on, he was thrilled. He said I had made his entire week. Little Bear’s diagnosis has always been difficult for him to deal with because of cultural differences. It has been compounded by the fact that he usually performs better in the mornings and he only really sees him in the afternoons after he’s worn out from 6-8 hours of therapy a day. This made him feel like his child has more possibilities to reach his potential. I think Papi Bear still has trouble grasping the idea that autism doesn’t mean Rainman or rocking in the corner. I think he also carries personal fears that he may be autistic and, therefore, the cause of his son’s neurological differences.

And that’s where we are now. Our next meeting is on August 8th, four days before Little Bear’s 3rd birthday. We’ll find out what school and classroom he’ll be assigned to. Fingers crossed that he gets a full day schedule and that they let his ABA therapist go in to see him at school.

Strike 2

Little Bear got kicked out of Fancy Religious Child Care Center on Thursday.

No shock there, but Papi Bear took it very hard. He was pretty messed up about it all day.

Special Needs Child Care center will be able to accommodate us the second week of June for their summer program. I have to call back on Monday when the director returns to see where he is on the wait list for the regular program.

I have to admit there were some tears when I explained how much it hurt that Little Bear wouldn’t have friends anymore. Maybe that moved us up. Fingers crossed.

Until then… Little Bear Home School goes into session on Monday at 7AM.

Ear Tubes

Little Bear got his shiny new ear tubes put in yesterday morning. We were up bright and early, before the sun, and before Little Bear knew what hit him. We got to the hospital, went through registration and hung out in the pre-op room for a good hour, watching cartoons, playing on the ipad, and taking trips around the floor in their wagon. He started to get antsy towards the end – mainly because he realized I had a muffin tucked away in my purse, but luckily the CRNA came in with something to calm him down. When he was starting to feel the effects, they pulled out a phone, put on Baby Shark for him, and started to wheel him away. He was halfway down the hall before he realized I wasn’t with him.

The surgery itself was about 30 minutes from when they took him in to when they called me to recovery. Little Bear licked a popsicle, drank a cup of juice, and waited to be cleared. Little Bear was increasingly insistent that he get up and move, but he was still really woozy from the anesthesia. They said we could leave without seeing the doctor and that I could call later on for any information that wasn’t on the papers. This wasn’t our first rodeo, so I wasn’t too concerned.

When we got home, the improvement was immediate. Little Bear was listening. He was babbling. He was saying words. He still was far from where he was before the tubes fell out, but there was definite improvement. I put him down for a nap and when it became clear that he wasn’t going to take one, I went in and he said, “Hiiiii Mama. Hiiiii.” He’s never done that before. Usually he just says bye bye, but socially too late. Seeing him give  a social greeting at the correct moment, made me feel wonderful. He said peepee and caca when he was practicing on the potty. He followed simple directions again. I started to get hopeful.

Then I talked to Papi Bear, who had spent his morning in a meeting with Fancy Religious Child Care Center. He’s on probation for a week, starting on Wednesday. Papi Bear and I had already decided that we’d pull him after next week as it is, but this confirmed our feelings. Apparently Little Bear was biting his teacher and it hadn’t been reported to us previously. They suggested we look at special needs schools.
I think we’ve arrived to the point where that’s where we’re headed.

Papi Bear and I had a long conversation about it last night. He’s afraid to put Little Bear into a school where kids may be behind him. I had to make him realize that Little Bear is behind. Almost a full year at this point. He wanted to make comparisons with his older brother, who has an IEP right now at age 4. I showed him videos of Big Bear when he was 2.5. That’s when it hit him. That’s when he realized our son is severely delayed. At this age, Big Bear wasn’t saying full sentences, but we have one where we went to the zoo, and he pulls my husband over to the camels and says, “Mira! Camel on the ceiling! C C C!” Little Bear occasionally pulls us towards things, but not with the same eagerness and awe that Big Bear did at the same age.

Little Bear has improved since his tubes went in. He has only bitten me when he’s cranky from being hungry or just waking up. He’s still hitting. He actually pounded his brother over the head repeatedly with a small plastic baby ball today because his brother took his soccer ball. Of course this happened in the middle of a store. That I was doing a mystery shop at. Because that’s just how it goes when you’re the mom of two toddlers, one of them special needs.

Little Bear has been speaking more, singing again, daring to say new words, and dancing along with all his favorite videos on PinkFong. He speaks louder and more clearly. When I repeat one of his approximations in the correct form, he tries to correct himself. It’s an improvement. It’s a step towards where he was a month ago.

At the same time, I’m not sure how to handle school. He’s on probation already. They suggested trying maybe just the mornings for now, but he’s in school mainly because I’m teaching a night class on Mondays and Wednesdays until the first week of May. After that, I can pick him up without any problem and have him home before nap time.

I called every special needs school in the area today. None of them have space for him. One has a long shot space for him in the third week of April. They’re opening a class in his age group, but it’s already fully pre-registereScreen Shot 2017-04-04 at 10.43.05 PMd. He’s on the wait list. If you’re the wishing on a star type, please ask the stars to give him an extra push of luck to get in. I’m touring the school tomorrow and preparing for the emotional rollercoaster of acceptance that will come along with it.

Papi Bear and I have to decide tonight whether he’s going back to school tomorrow. He’s done so well the past two days. I see improvement and I’m absolutely terrified that it will go down the drain if we send him back to school. The special needs schools are not a problem, since he’ll almost certainly transition to one in August anyway.

We have a long discussion ahead of us tonight.

Little Bear… I hope whatever we choose is the best option for you. Always know we’re doing our best to give you the best possible outcome in life. We love you.

Transitions

If Little Bear could stay in one area and do his thing and then move to another area of his choosing at a time of his choosing, he would be the happiest little bear in the world. However, the world – and, more specifically, school – does not work that way. Little Bear struggled and dealt with it at Fancy Child Care Center and was starting to show huge improvements in his socialization and participation. He went from a year behind to about 6 months behind. He’s been at Fancy Religious Child Care Center for two weeks now and he has tanked.

We don’t blame the school or the teachers – not in the least. They’ve been nothing but wonderful to us and to him. They keep in close contact through messenger and send us daily pictures and videos. It’s really a phenomenal school that we’re very excited to send our older son to over the summer. However. HOWEVER. Little Bear… not impressed. At all.

He throws toys, snatches them from other children, refuses to participate, and doesn’t want to play with other kids. He’s basically just mean. He’s even been less cooperative with his therapists since leaving Fancy Child Care Center. He’s begun to bite and scratch more often, too. Even at home, he bites me at least once a day in sensory-seeking or attention-seeking ways.

The cause… well… we’re not sure. It could very well be the ear tubes falling out. I can’t imagine how it must feel to be dizzy and hear everything like you’re underwater. And to combine that feeling with a new school where you don’t know anyone and are not familiar with the routine… That’s difficult. I know he’s struggling. I see him struggling. Before I’d always take him every day we paid for, even if I wasn’t working. I knew he’d get the benefit of circle time and playground interaction. Now, I keep him home and we go to the park together instead. Every day I worry about getting a message about him biting another kid or snatching toys or just generally misbehaving.

Papi Bear and I had a long talk about it last night. It came down to this: We put Little Bear into school for socialization. He is not socializing. He actively avoids other children as much as possible. We don’t know if it’s him who is regressing or if it’s the transition that’s tough on him or if it’s the hearing issues that are making him irritable. Our final decision is that we’re giving him two weeks post-op to improve. After two weeks, we’ll meet with the director, the school’s counselor, and one of his therapists and decide if there’s been improvement and, if so, what can be done to help him along. If there isn’t improvement, we will pull him from the school and I will change my work schedule from 830-5 to 1030-7/1130-8 and begin to homeschool him in the mornings and schedule his OT and SLP in the afternoons while I’m working.

We don’t think Little Bear has regressed into a closed-off state. He’s not making as much eye contact, but when you get up in his face and start sticking your tongue out or playing with him, he’s back to normal. When he’s in the dark, he’s actually really playful. Every night this week we’ve had to go into the boys’ bedroom and yell at them to get to bed because they’re both in Little Bear’s bed, playing, tickling, and laughing. We’ve seen his little personality come out. We know he’s a social kid, albeit a bit awkward, but so were (are) both of his parents. We just need to get him in a situation where he’s getting the attention he needs in order to thrive.

And that’s where we are. We’re at a point where Little Bear will take the lead and show us what he needs. If he needs Mama Bear to make a homeschool for him for a few months, so be it. If he shows us that it was completely the tubes and he’s back on track once they’re in place, then we’ll stay in Fancy Religious Child Care Center. Whatever is happening, we’re very glad that his school has been extremely supportive and not accusatory towards us. That goes a long way when your child has special needs.

Fancy Child Care Center

Fancy Child Care Center* kicked Little Bear out for biting.

Fancy Child Care Center put him on a two week probation for biting in December of 2016.

Little Bear did not bite from the day the probation started until the first week of March.

Fancy Child Care Center’s owner thinks my son needs a “special school” and “one-on-one attention.”

Little Bear’s therapists and neurologist thinks he needs a social atmosphere and that he is thriving with other kids.

Fancy Child Care Center told me that the owner’s 23 years of experience was more valid than that of his ABA, OT, PT, SLP, and Neurologist.

Fancy Child Care Center said Little Bear bit a child on Thursday at 10:15. Little Bear had both his ABA therapist and his new SLP there for an evaluation at 10:00.

Fancy Child Care Center has been reported to licensing for not providing me with a report when my child was bitten. They will most likely be cited because they didn’t ask me to sign any of his incident reports since November.

Fancy Child Care Center did not feed my son adequately, which led to his behaviors.

Fancy Child Care Center is classist and didn’t want a non-perfect child ruining its perfect reputation.

Fancy Child Care Center will not define my son.

Fancy Child Care Center will not define me as a mother.

Fancy Child Care Center will make me smarter about who I trust my son with in the future.

Fancy Child Care Center can kiss my ass.

 

*not the real name.

Gifted

When I was a child, “gifted” was a bad word to my mother. I was labeled as “gifted,” but she refused to let me take gifted classes. After a year of repeatedly telling her how much more advanced I was, my mother relented and let me take gifted English/Writing. I have very few memories of second grade, but I remember that class and how much I loved it. I wish my mother had allowed me to take other classes as well. I promised myself that when I had children, I would never stop them from reaching their full potential through gifted courses. Now, as a parent, I just want my child to mainstream and have a fulfilling life.

Little Bear is 2/3 of the way through his probation period and has had exactly one biting incident – and it was in retaliation to another child scratching his face to take a toy, so we forgave it. He was also bitten pretty badly by another child in the classroom, but the teacher didn’t notice, so we have no idea what happened there. A sigh of relief is being breathed all over our household. We hope that he can stay in school because he needs it.

screen-shot-2016-12-19-at-1-30-44-pmLittle Bear’s communication is progressing rapidly. He’s learning lots of new words and starting to use signs consistently for words he’s unable to say clearly yet. He’s learned a lot of new words from the youtube station “BabyRadio” and makes the noises for the animals whose names he can’t say. He’s using the signs for more, bye bye, hello, again, and all done consistently and he’s constantly throwing in new signs that I have to ask friends who are hard of hearing to interpret for me.

Watching him grow and mature makes me thrilled beyond belief, but I still mourn the fact that he isn’t where other children his age are. While other moms compare how advanced their children are, I continue to be proud that today he followed most of the directions I gave him, even though he didn’t answer any of the questions I asked him.

I wish my life followed this e-mail that I received from Baby Center. I would love to be concerned about what area he’s “gifted” in, but instead I’m celebrating the fact that he clearly yelled for “Papi” on Sunday when my husband was the only one who hadn’t gotten out of bed yet. It was the first time he had clearly called for either of us multiple times, which brought Papi Bear close to tears. We realized that Little Bear does, in fact, know us as Mama and Papi, but he hadn’t realized that calling those words would bring us to him. I think he might be starting to understand the concept now, which is another milestone we’ve been waiting a very long time for.

Our child may or may not be gifted. We know he is a gift to us, without a doubt. Our life now is preparing our child to communicate effectively and make him smile with us. It’s piggyback rides and BabyRadio. It’s eating and stuffed animals. It’s realizing that the small things count and thinking maybe we’re lucky to get an extra year of baby phase with our boys. They grow up too quickly and we get to make it last a little longer.