Penciling in Life

Last week Little Bear was approved for therapy through our private insurance to add on to his Early Intervention therapy. At the moment, he has 9.5 hours a week. We’re still screen-shot-2016-09-18-at-11-25-44-pmwaiting on an eval for private speech therapy, possible OT through Early Intervention, and a possible doubling of PT through Early Intervention. All in all, he may end up with 15-18 hours a week by the time we finish scheduling everything.

Little Bear is doing extraordinarily well in his new school and every day we see him more and more eager to go to class. He cried for 15 minutes after we left him on the first day, but Papi Bear said he just goes over to his seat and sits down with his breakfast when he leaves him now. His new PT told me she observed him for 15 minutes before she started her therapy with him on his first day on Thursday. She said he is very attached to the main teacher in the classroom and he likes to hold her pants and sit in her lap during circle time. The same teacher has told me he’s the sweetest little boy ever (except for the pinching) and that she adores him, so I’m glad he’s found a teacher at school that he can find comfort in while he’s away from Mama and Papi. We’re also thrilled to walk in at the end of the day and find him running around on the playground, rather than in a classroom or watching TV.

Today was a special day. A milestone day. Today was the day Little Bear picked up a remote, held it to his ear, and said, “Hewwo? Hewwo?” And then gave it to Mama to listen. Today was the day Little Bear truly played pretend and his Mama Bear’s fears lowered down one more notch. He can play pretend. My Little Bear can play pretend!!

The fears are still there. We still worry about the future. We still worry about the present and about the things we may have done to cause his disorder. We don’t, however, feel the terror that we felt back in July. Our terror has been replaced with hope: the hope that Little Bear will have the capacity to live a productive life in society and function as someone who is simply “different.” We’re okay with him being “different.” We’re both “different” ourselves. We just don’t want him to ever feel like he’s a burden to us or his brother. That is what we want for our baby boy.

And every day that goes by fills us with more relief that that will not be his case. We’ve passed the 3 week mark since Little Bear’s urine sample was given. The geneticist said that if he had something concerning like Fragile X, we would be called in earlier than our November 1 follow-up and the tests generally take 2 weeks to get back. I don’t want to say we’re in the clear for serious genetic conditions, but the stress has definitely gone down now that we’re heading towards a month since the second test was turned in.

For now, we’re just trying to pencil in life between therapy. Deep breaths and away we go towards the prize: our son reaching his full potential and finding coping mechanisms that work for him.

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Author: goldilocksbabybear

A mother dealing with the struggles of finding out her child is autistic.

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